It's not Rocket Science… Except that it is…

So for Christmas (ages ago now, I know) I was given a Lush bath bomb called Rocket Science by my brother in law and I have only just gotten around to trying it out. It was fun! No Tl;Dr Version this time, but there are photographs!

The Verdict

Bath bombs are a bit of a strange beast. They are fun and exciting, but if you really think about it, they are rather overpriced and a bit gimmicky. Like most people, though, I quite like them and this is especially the case when they come from Lush. If absolutely nothing else, you know it’s going be ethically made and cruelty free.

You might recognise this image from my homepage. I thought that this was amazing when it appeared in my bath, not just because it looks cool in and of itself, but also because of the wonderful pastel blue and pink that accompany white in the Trans Flag.

When placed in the water, the bomb fizzed in a satisfying ‘fsshhzzz’ of colour and it was nice to see my bath water turn a pleasing shade of blue with some gold sparkles throughout. You can see me in my element in the following picture:

And that’s kinda that, really. It’s a bath bomb. It did what bath bombs do. I felt very clean and nice-smelling afterwards. This is always a good sign after having a bath… if you come out of the bath feeling dirtier and smelling worse than when you started then you are doing it wrong… sort yourself out!

I Aten't Dead!! – Resident Evil 3: Raccoon City Demo

I saw that a demo for Resident Evil 3 Nemesis remake was available on the PS Store and I couldn’t help myself. Jill Valentine is a MAJOR videogame character crush of mine, so getting the chance to play her in this new imagining of Resi3 is awesome!

The Tl;Dr Version

Friends who knew me back in my uni days know how much I like Resident Evil. I am stoked to be able to play this remastered and redesigned version of Nemesis. The demo was short, but enough to convince me. Give it a play, it’s only about half an hour. You won’t regret it!

The Detailed Version

As soon as the cinematic begins I am blown away. Jill and Carlos are on a subway train trying to evacuate survivors. And they look fucking amazing while doing it! Seriously, I cannot begin to explain how impressed I am by the character modelling. Jill looks like the badass STARS officer she was always meant to be. She’s hot, she’s practical, she’s got scratches, scraped and grime – and her hair!!! Meanwhile Carlos looks suitably poster-boy, but without the rather obscene levels of man-buff that we got to see in games such as Resi5 and 6.

The camera moves in the way you would expect from a post-Resi4 Resident Evil Game: tight, third person, somewhat restricted view. Aiming is straightforward the the menu screens are simple and easy to navigate. Nothing out of the ordinary. Simple and effective. I may have been a bit silly and tried to start the game by going in the wrong direction – a problem I’ve had before with Resi games not always being 100% clear about what they want you to do and where they want you to go – which is odd in a fairly linear game! Traversing the world there are your usual notes and pieces of lore lying around, giving you a better insight into the world that is going to hell around you. Indeed, it is in one of these little notes that you find clues about combining health herbs and other such game mechanics – just in case you didn’t know!

As for combat: DON’T ATTACK WITH A KNIFE!!! Well, you can and I guess if you get good at it you can make it work, but I managed to get quite badly damaged by the first zombie I found. Possibly because I’m an idiot! Who knows!? Essentially, though, this is a survival horror game at its core, its clunky and awkward – but where in a lot of games that would be a problem, here its sorta the point. And despite the clunky-ness it was an entertaining way to be dispatching the undead.

Nemesis looks awesome and genuinely terrifying! I cannot wait to see more!

There isn’t really much more that can be said about a 30 minute demo other than that it looks like it will be a strong entry into the Resident Evil catalogue. It actually reminds me about how much I want to give the Resident Evil 2 remake a go, but unfortunately I just can’t justify buying it just now. I will get it eventually, and I will get this one too, but for now the demo has given me my fix – even if playing a game about viral apocalypse is a little bit too real right now…….!!!!

Noah: Wet Blanket or Cinematic Godsend?

I’ve been meaning to watch this movie for quite a while and what with self-isolation being the current to-do, and stress-related insomnia getting the better of me, I decided one sleepless night to give it a watch. Here are my thoughts…!

The Tl;Dr Version

Noah is an interesting film with some new ideas and absolutely no corroborating biblical evidence whatsoever. Visually it is stunning: 8/10. Story-wise it’s as you would expect with added rock-angels: 6/10. Acting is great though, and I really enjoyed Ray Winston’s portrayal of the main villain Tubal-Cain: 8/10. The corniness factor, though, is really high and I really struggled to take it as seriously as I think you are meant to: so overall I would give it a 7/10.

The Detailed Version

Noah is one of those films that has been on my radar for a long time. I’ve been meaning to watch it for a while, but just couldn’t quite get the motivation to press play. Part of that is, I guess, because it’s not really Helen’s type of film so we wouldn’t really watch it together. But more than that I think I’d just heard such mixed things that I didn’t know if it was worth investing any time in. So when it appeared on IPlayer as a movie option one sleepless night at 1am, I figured that now was as good a time as any…. I promptly fell asleep (at last!) within the first 15 minutes!!!

However, on waking up the next day I decided to see it out and I am kinda glad that I did. I enjoyed watching it, for the most part, and while a very large amount of it was silly (I think anything ‘biblical’ will struggle not to be corny as hell) it was entertaining and drew me in.

I think of the things that really got me invested, it was the stunning cinematography. From beginning to rainbow-filled end (yes, really!) you can really see the effort that went in to building this beautiful pre-apocalyptic landscape. At the beginning there is a blend of low-fantasy, Conan the Barbarian meets Mad Max vibes as you meet Noah as a child and see his early life as a reclusive and ‘peaceful’ father. The descendants of Cain are barbarous and violent, killing animals for food and murdering with impunity, while Noah and his family try to live off the land as much as possible. Then the miracles and visions start to happen and it all gets a bit trippy.

Being so obviously linked to biblical allegory and metaphor, the film really plays on that sense of divine mystery, whilst also telling a lot of the story through visual cues more than exposition. Miracles are depicted through fast-paced CGI sequences and you get a real sense of divine majesty happening over an indefinite period of time. A notable example is when the debauchery and horror of mankind’s treatment of each other and the world around them is shown in a stunning sweep of violence, death (particularly of women and children, namely ‘innocents’) and fire at the hands of Tubal-Cain’s male soldiers. The downside is that there were quite a few sequences that leave you feeling a little cross-eyed as the sweeping camera and flashing colour and images leave your brain feeling a little scrambled.

These sequences, however, do not change the fact that the story feels somewhat disjointed and surreal. You might say this is unsurprising from a story from the bible, but the fact of the matter is that much of the film is not actually linked to the bible at all. You can find out more about what is actually biblical and what isn’t here. Most notable of the surreal and odd choices is the inclusion of the ‘Watchers’. Reminding me very much of the Ents in Lord of the Rings, these are stone giants that seem to be fallen lesser-angels who help Noah to build and defend the ark. These are kinda-sorta mentioned in the bible, in so far as there were apparently giants who lived at this time, but they certainly don’t have the role that they adopt in the film.

Another problem, really is the role of women as portrayed in the film. I think there are a total of three named female characters, one of whom is introduced and then killed within about 15 minutes. Otherwise you are primarily watching men do men things. Noah’s wife Naamah, portrayed by the ever beautiful Jennifer Connelly, is an ‘equal’ to Noah in so far as she has opinions – that the then promptly ignores. She is mainly a caregiver and looks after the kids and ‘household’. Meanwhile Ila, played by Emma Watson, is victim of a few tropes that are all too common in movies. She is unable to conceive children because she was ‘made barren’ by an injury, this makes her ‘not a real woman’ and therefore she perceives herself as undeserving of love or salvation. Unsurprisingly, she is saved from childlessness by, you guessed it, a man. She then goes on to have two daughters whom Noah wishes to murder because ‘they can bare children’… he eventually spares them. Because love. For a film that is so focused on the evil of men and that tries valiantly to add women into the all-male narrative, it just doesn’t quite do it. Unfortunately, this is not unusual in movies, and while it can be argued that women in the bible don’t exactly get a good run of it, I was still disappointed with the relative weakness of the female characters.

However, that is not to say that Connelly and Watson aren’t amazing as their respective characters. You end up loving and rooting for both women throughout the film and in many ways it is them that you care about – not the men. Connelly is stoic and hard-working, while Watson’s vulnerability provides an interesting counterpoint (even if it is mostly about babies). Meanwhile Ray Winston is a very satisfying villain in the form of Tubal-Cain, using his trademark hard-man persona to good effect. Anthony Hopkins drops in as the half-senile Methuselah and provides something of a little comic relief. Russell Crowe, meanwhile, just Russell Crowes as he does: slightly overacting in his stern seriousness, but yet still making you believe in and care about his character. If it wasn’t for this ensemble, though, the film really would fall flat. Noah’s sons are barely worth mentioning and there aren’t really any other characters to speak of other than the stone not-angels.

Overall, then, a very mixed film with positives, negatives and a fair amount of ‘meh’. But it is enjoyable, if you like disaster movies and biblical allegories. The portrayal of women is not the best, but you can maybe forgive this because of the source material (?), and the angelic golems of randomness are rather silly. Emma Watson is stunning as ever and Jennifer Connelly is ageless – the same can’t really be said for Russell Crowe!!!

First Ever Review: The Outer Worlds PS4

This is my first ever review, so please forgive any vagueness or imperfections! 😛

So, the inspiration for this blog was a conversation that I had with some friends about a little game called ‘The Outer Worlds’ by Obsidian Entertainment. Obsidian is probably best known for Fallout New Vegas, but is also responsible for games such as South Park: The Stick of Truth and Pillars of Eternity. After being acquired by Microsoft, The Outer Worlds is the first major game Obsidian have released and I have to admit that I rather liked it. It’s fun, it’s VERY interesting and it also has quite a few moments that leave you with a distinctly ‘what the fuck?!’ look on your face.

The basic premise of the game is that you are a colonist, woken up from hibernation by a mad-scientist to find that your transport ship has been lying abandoned for decades. Meanwhile, the colony of Halcyon has been in a gradual decline as a group of mega-corporations (some of whom literally consider employees to be company property) have slowly taken advantage of pretty much everything. It’s capitalism taken to its extreme – with a not-so-subtle nod to sci-fi shows such as Firefly.

Overall it has been given excellent reviews by the likes of IGN et al. and deserves to be recognised as a great entry into the 2019 cache of games. I played it some time after launch after managing to get it at a good price from the PS Store, and after hearing all of the hype I was psyched to play what promised to be a new and exciting adventure. It wasn’t quite what I expected.

The Tl;Dr Version:

The Outer Worlds was a good, solid RPG video game. Overall, though, I’m not sure it lived up to the hype… 10/10 for originality, 6/10 for game play, 5/10 for loading screens, 7/10 for characters and story.

The Detailed Version

Before going into much depth, I want to restate that I did very much enjoy my time in Halcyon. Visually this game is stunning and the sci-fi-western-hyper-capitalist setting is an excellent sandbox to find yourself playing in. Ultimately, this I think is what sets Outer Worlds apart and makes it worth your time. Aside from all the criticisms I discuss below, you simply cannot fault the originality and brilliance of the setting.

From a backwater corporate shit-hole town, to a ruined research facility, sprawling space-ship communities to the highest echelons of city living, throughout your journey you get a real sense that this world has been carefully thought through. Each area has its own distinct aesthetic and the world feels genuinely alive. The NPC conversations (both with each other and themselves) are at times hilarious, but also give you a fun insight into the ‘lives’ of these colonists. I wish I could say that no two areas are the same, and in terms of the large-scale locations this is definitely the case. Unfortunately by the time you get to the end stages of the game you really notice the recycling of maps and layouts – for example the fancy houses of Byzantium or scientific research labs. Similarly, while the artwork on the loading screens is really cool, interesting and amusing the first 10 times you see it, you it kinda starts to leave you wishing there was a little bit more variation in the small things.

This leads me on to my next point, and sadly my main criticism of the game. You spend a LOT of time in loading screens. Like… a LOT. Not only that, but quite often you have to go through several at a time for really small missions in areas you’ve already visited. For example, the planet jumping is interesting, but every single time you want to go to a new planet you have to load into your ship, go to a console and watch an animation that moves you to the different planet, then always have to go out of your ship onto a landing pad before you can then fast-travel to your location. So that’s like 3 loading screens and a compulsory animation sequence just to do a fetch quest. That’s a lot of time looking at a scientific drawing of a Mantiqueen with very little actual detail and wishing you were killing one rather than learning about it’s anatomy!

As for game play, I just didn’t find it particularly interesting. It wasn’t bad, by any means, it just was nothing that I haven’t seen before. It was basically like playing a fallout game without vats – which isn’t surprising considering its Obsidian. It often just felt a bit clunky. Hacking and lockpicking are simply button-pressing and the levelling up was much like you would expect from an RPG. Plus I was a bit underwhelmed by the dialogue method which was, again, like Fallout 3 or New Vegas, rather than the more immersive and interesting options available in Bioware games or, for example, Fallout 4. One variation that sounds cool on paper is the idea of having ‘flaws’ – weaknesses that make you more vulnerable or make things harder in exchange for a ‘free’ skill point. But again, this was not really worth it as the perks were rather bland. Overall it was fun enough and technically worked fine, it just wasn’t anything special.

The story and characters, though, alongside the setting, are really what makes this game. As you would hope from an RPG, becoming invested in the world is what drives you to play more and the game does this really well. It’s one of those games where everyone is a bit of a dick and so you kinda just learn to go with it. You are faced with some genuine moral choices and moments where you have to really sit and think before you act – though usually you can come to some kind of compromise or solution. The main story, meanwhile, isn’t subtle and there are not really any ‘twists’ as such, but it ticks along enough to keep you entertained, and is so intrinsically tied to the mad scientist Phinneas Welles that you want to follow it through.

Overall, I just think it still didn’t quite know if it wanted to be a full-scale old school RPG (in which case there was far too much shooting) or a shooter with combat avoidance options (in which case the non-combat options are a little too easy/simplistic until literally the end of the game). Take lying, for example – it was so easy to do that it becomes basically a given, and so long as you have a high enough dialogue skill you can just go around saying what you like with no consequences. I was almost never challenged on my lies or asked to back them up (eg. by passing a medicine or engineering check) and while it was often funny it did make breezing your way through some situations incredibly easy. It needed a touch more nuance to it, and that just wasn’t quite there.

However, I say again that despite my critical analysis here, it was very enjoyable and I don’t regret playing it at all. The setting is really interesting and it was fun running around being a complete arsehole to everyone (and that’s playing as a good guy!!!).