Since I’ve Been Gone…!
I do not quite know how to start this, my first post in just over a year and a half…
I could start with an apology. To you, whoever you might be, when reading this – perhaps you enjoyed my previous posts and have wondered why I am so quiet, or perhaps you are new and have noticed this big gap. Or maybe to myself, for promising to get back to it, to write something to try again and just never getting around to it. However, an apology would probably feel disingenuous – it is something that is socially expected in some ways, but honestly I do not think that it really serves anyone.
Besides, there are reasons that I haven’t been writing as much.
So maybe I should start with those. My mental health has been an absolute shambles and I have been struggling to get things back on track. I had thought that getting a confirmed diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder* would make things easier, but actually all it did was make me more aware of the things that I struggle with. I have also switched medication twice – once to try something else and then again back onto what I was originally on because the ‘new’ one really didn’t work! I’ve made some significant progress, though. Thanks to my diagnosis I was finally able to get some deep-level psychotherapy that helped to further identify, recognise and accept some of my key triggers. So it’s a mixed bag, really.
My physical health has not been much better. My blood pressure is now under control more than it was when I last posted, which is much better. However, I’ve had some other challenges come up that I won’t give details on for now. I’ve had some significant issues with my weight, with it really feeling like a losing battle after doing so well a few years ago. Meanwhile my Restless Leg Syndrome has been truly awful – I intend to write a longer post about this sometime soon, so bear with me, but the short version is that I had to come off the previous medication meaning that things have simultaneously gotten worse and better!**
I’ve also just been far more busy professionally. My job at the University has been moving forward from strength to strength, and I have been so focussed on locking it down and getting to grips with the details that it has been taking up a lot of my brain-space. Not only that, but I have recently started training to become a qualified counsellor, which is really exciting. I am still years away from certification, but I am firmly on the road that I want to travel.
So what now?
I have some plans for what I want to do now – particularly with this website and with my writing overall. Whether or not I get there is another matter completely, but thats another story.***
In general it looks like this:
- Write more as a reflective blog – even if nobody else is really reading it, it is helpful and important for me.
- Get back to writing poetry! I’ve slipped from this a bit, and I need to get back into the swing of it. I have a project that I want to get properly moving on, as well, so watch this space!
- Start writing up some more reviews – about anything, really, as I’ve done up till now, but also perhaps focussing a little more on my niche. Which leads to…
- Develop my niche as a horror enthusiast – more reviews, create a HorrorTok channel on TikTok (or YouTube?), engage more with other creators, etc. etc..
- Play around a bit more with short stories and fiction writing – I recognise in myself that I tend to get carried away and forget to start small and build from there.
This seems like plenty to be getting on with for now, I reckon.
Wish Me Luck!
So that’s that, really. I don’t know how long this latest burst of energy and creativity will last, but it is at least something to get me going. It might sound like a lot, but actually those 5 intentions are all relatively managable considering some of the other changes an adaptations that I hope to make with things.
We’ll see how it goes. Whatever happens, I look forward to (attempting to be) taking you on the journey with me and hope that you continue to find my various little bits and pieces interesting.
Lots of Love,
Aisla
* Oh yeah, this happened I guess!
** Confusing, right? Try living it!
*** Short version is that I have a tendency to say ‘ok, I will now journal every day’ or whatever and then it lasts nowhere near long enough to become an ingrained habit. My brain is a bit too chaotic for habit forming at times, at least for the good ones!
AHF Writes 